1,369 lightbulbs

I learned today that my friend returned from her suspension. And Jemele Hill did so as a better person than I would've been in her shoes.

Considering the abuse heaped upon her (read the comments section of any of her columns, a comment on the YouTubes of her ESPN appearances, or hell - her own blog), I'm consistently impressed that she manages to not solely maintain her focus, but also her professionalism.

I disagreed with what she did when I read it, but not because I was offended, per se. I didn't realize exactly what bothered me until later on, when my lady and I discussed it while watching the now legendary sports-media Costas Now episode that I've had gathering mold on my DVR for weeks. When the topic turned to blogs, Jemele's column came up. (Which kept us from seeing the infamous Buzz Bissinger Blow-Up, the details of which I've been avoiding as if it were the ending to The Sixth Sense.) My lady helped me realize that the true disappointment is in knowing that Jemele can be so much better than that. Though I disagree with Jemele (see below) that she shouldn't share the blame, her humility is an example to all of us who so casually toss our words around. Whether they land on a blog, on the printed page or in the ears of a stranger, words matter.

To her credit, she issued a public apology when it happened, did an interview with AOL to clear the air, and talked to her readers about it:

This isn't about my editors because even if the word "Hitler" never appeared in the posted column last Saturday, that doesn't change the fact that I wrote it and, at the time, found humor in making a moronic comparison between a man who was responsible for killing millions to Detroiters who root for the Boston Celtics.

This is about my living up to a standard I expect of everyone else -- respect, awareness, honesty and accountability.

Rob King, the editor-in-chief of ESPN.com, once said something I've never forgotten. I'm paraphrasing, but if we truly want to see racial progress, you have to be willing to be the dumbest person in the room, a person who can admit to being in need of education.

I once wrote about Don Imus that "speech is free, but consequences are not." I never want to be the exception to that rule, and I'm not sure any of us want to live in a world where hurtful things are hurled around without cost.

My consequence is losing some of my credibility, and for me, that's a stiff penalty. You don't always have to agree with me, but every time you choose to visit this column space, you're placing a certain trust in me. That trust has been shaken. In fact, it might never be regained. That hurts...

With that set firmly in mind, I'd like to make a promise. I promise to be the same columnist I was before -- the one who gets on your nerves, makes you think and laugh. But on one condition: I'll be better and wiser than before.

I'm not going to stop writing about race. It's just that the next time I do, I'll be carrying an enhanced perspective.

So will (most of) your readers. Onward and upward.